Movember – How being diagnosed with testicular cancer impacted Kristin

As part of Men’s Health Month, improvement and delivery manager, Kristin Moat, has shared his experience with testicular cancer and how we overcame it, along with the challenges it presented.

My diagnosis story and how testicular cancer impacted me

I found the lump in my testicle on my 45^th birthday - not the best present I was expecting to be honest. All I really wanted was a new ironing board cover (I didn't even get that).

After presenting to the GP, everything moved quickly, and I can remember having probably the worst Christmas and New Year of my life where the gift that kept on giving was acute anxiety and catastrophisation.

I was asking myself all sorts of questions… Am I going to die? How will my family cope financially? Who will be father to my kids when I go (they were 6 & 4 at the time). Will he be more handsome than me?

I was officially diagnosed on 2 Jan 2016, the first patient in the first clinic after the New Year. As a clinician, I can imagine how that felt for the consultant that had to give that diagnosis to their very first patient of the calendar year.

I had my surgery a few days later and was lucky to have a good friend who is a consultant urologist and they told me that this is a curative cancer and that 98% of patients are cured.

This was one of the few times that I did not aspire to be in the top 2% of something I was involved in. My ambition was to be in the majority, not the minority. Almost 10 years on, I am still in the majority and hope to stay that way.

The journey of recovery – how it was and how it’s going

The journey, as expected was, and still is, an adventure of emotions. From certain doom to being thankful for life and every emotion in between.

After my surgery, I was destined to do everything I could to help fight off this invader to my hopes of a happy and healthy life and probably tried too hard.

Once my wound was closed (or so I thought), as I recovered at home, I put a lot of time into exercise, to help my body heal, allow my mind a distraction and get myself back in the shape that I wanted to be in. Unfortunately, the wound was not quite as robust as I thought and I contributed to a canny wound infection that took a long time to heal forcing me to ease off the one thing that really helped me.

Dealing with feelings of guilt and anxiety

Surely spending time with my kids and wife would help? Absolutely not. The guilt I felt potentially leaving them fatherless (of which I know was crazy as I did not cause the cancer), as well as the guilt I felt in contributing to my wound infection really ate away at me and I definitely leaned away rather than towards them.

As time went, and with huge support from my wife, I slowly leaned in again and started to do more rethinking. I still get my wobbles; my anxiety bucket always has a little in it, and it does tip over more than it used to, but I have a better awareness of this and most of the time, can siphon some of the anxiety off to allow me to live a purposeful life.

How I have overcame the challenges of cancer diagnosis

The mental health struggles have been both a blessing and a curse.

When I am in acute anxiety, I know that I am not the person I want to be, and this has a big impact on my family and my productivity as a contributor to the NHS. Both are important to me, so it is not uncommon for me to internally curse and hide in my shell when I feel like this.

However, through rethinking, reframing, and using exercise as the therapy for my body and mind, it has allowed me to be more thankful and grateful for what I have in life (but I still wish that I was a little bit taller).

I have a new perspective on time and what I can achieve in that time (although still think that any DIY job can be done in 2 minutes), as well as how little time we have on earth to spend time on the things that we value.

For me, this is love (in all forms) and contributing to leaving the world in a better place than when I joined it. This blessing has facilitated me to focus more on my values in life. The six pack will just have a wait a bit.  

Why I have decided to speak out about this

I thought testicular cancer was a 'young man's' cancer and thought I was too old to be afflicted by it. With research, after my diagnosis I found that the numbers are growing, that there are some genetic links and that this is one of the many cancers that can be self-spotted, diagnosed quickly, treated effectively and for many patients, cured.

In line with my values, I wanted to raise awareness of this, contribute to the health of my local population and facilitate other men to think ​more about screening themselves (it is probably the easiest self-screening you can do).

Why health and wellbeing is so important

As I have moved up the levels in life (I'm now at Level 54) particularly after starting a family, I have become more acutely aware of the importance of balanced self-wellbeing. 

I have always been 'fit' and sporty, playing sport at a good level, and in my previous role as a physio, I always saw part of my job role to be a good role model to patients in following an active life.

Admittedly, parts of that have not always been great, mainly when I was younger when crispy pancakes and turkey twizzlers were part of my childhood staple diet!

In my ‘hayday’, men's health was never really a topic of conversation as you just had to 'man up' and get on with it, particularly in the sports of football and rugby.

I have always had a tendency to mild anxiety but after having kids, this was more acute and I just had to break that to look after my mental fitness and be the father I wanted to be.

It wasn't until I was diagnosed with testicular cancer though, did I really pay attention to the other aspects of my physical health as a man.  My experience of this journey has given me both knowledge and a drive to share the importance of men’s health.

My main message and what I want people to take away

Life is short, so find out your real values and try to live your life to those values every day.

Do whatever you can to help yourself achieve that - maintain your mental and physical fitness to the best you can and learn more about yourself in your journey through life.

I am a different person to that of 10 years ago. I feel like I am a better person now. A lot of that is down to my diagnosis and adventure. It still isn't over, but I have a few quests to complete before it is.

Now where did I put my compass, backpack and sword?..........